The Sexuality Bell Curve

Someone out there isn’t going to like what I’m going to say. I believe this to be true, so fire away… I can take it! I don’t think there’s such a qualifier as “straight” nor one we’ve described as “gay”. Our sexuality is on a Bell Curve. If there are men or women that are … Read moreThe Sexuality Bell Curve

I’m straight

I read this article with great interest. I am a man who considers myself to be essentially 100% str8 but I have slept with lots of men and have recently been seeing a man in a full-blown relationship.

When I say I am str8 I mean that I am not physically attracted to men at all. However I am ‘sexually‘ attracted to men. I dumped my last girlfriend (I have usually had two relationships at once – with a man and a woman) because my male lover satisfied me more. I am openly ‘bi-sexual’ but no one understands if I tell them I’m str8 but sometimes prefer gay sex.

For me being adventurous and having relaxed fun with sex is more important than someone’s gender. I will look back here in a short while to see if anyone has identified with this. Thanks for the article.

Hey man i know i can relate in the opposite sense, im commonly referred to as gay cause i guess sometimes i can act that way. But gender doesn’t bother me when it comes to sexual activity. Guys sometimes turn me on but I have never tried with a girl so have no idea what one is capable of in the bedroom…Will

fucked bi fifty

IT wasn’t until I was fifty, that I discovered I really enjoy being fucked by men. I have no desire to kiss or hug, just the penetration, and mutual sucking. Unlike some, I have never experienced discomfort or pain. You will find other men like me with the same preference to fuck you. 

Straight Men’s Gay Fantasies

I’m only temporarily curious every now and then, about once every couple of months for one night, but as a straight guy i have many sexual fantasies that include men, and sometime i dream about being with many men like about 10 of different races, diff size cocks, all of which i would like to … Read moreStraight Men’s Gay Fantasies

How do I know if I’m gay

I am 21 years old and I am what you might call, bi curious. I have only admitted that I was questioning my own sexuality to one person, and it was someone I didn’t know. This is the second time I am admitting it. A question I really want to ask you guys is this…

How do I know if I’m gay…Here are my symptoms:

1) I enjoy anal stimulation from my girlfriend and from myself

2) I jerk off to gay porn, but only bondage or kinky stuff.

3) I have fantasized about being pleased by other males that I know in real life, or males that I dont know..

I think my family and friends might know i’m gay, but I can’t admit it and the fact that they MIGHT know makes me lose my breath…I find it humiliating...I need someone to talk to about this, hopefully someone who has been in the same situation or something close to it please leave a message. Thank you for running this site !

It sounds to me like you are into guys but you really won’t know for sure until you have sex with one. If having a man’s face and possibly cock up your ass doesn’t make your eyes go back in your head and make you feel as if you’d never had sex before, then you might not be gay! But if it does… BINGO! Then you’re a certified cock sucker. Be proud of it. Seriously. You can’t change it. Believe me, I’ve tried. I got married, had kids, stayed away from gyms and men in general. But no matter what I couldn’t run away from the truth. After 14 years, dick finally drew me in and once I had a taste, that was it. You can’t deny who you are and you SHOULDN’T deny it! Find the truth and you’ll find happiness. Find a gay friend to fuck with and see! John in reply to if I’m gay

It’s not about gay, straight or bi, it’s about male sexuality. I don’t have gay sex, I have guy sex. Only a guy can fully understand what another guy needs and feels. I enjoy giving that intense pleasure to other guys and them giving it to me. It is an amazing gift I am happy to share. Neilian in reply to how do I know if I’m gay

If you have fantasies about being with other men, that doesn’t mean you’re completely gay. You might be bi, or you might be bi-curious. I am without a doubt bisexual. I way prefer men over women, but I only consider myself bi because I have had sex with girls in the past.  Justin in reply to how do I know if I’m gay

41 year old divorced bi curious man

My fantasy is to fully loose my mansex virginity. I am a 41 year old divorced bi curious man interested in taking/being a male lover. I’ve never been in a gay bar but like the prospects of being able to check out other guys and see what type of guys might approach me without the … Read more41 year old divorced bi curious man

9 Things Never to Say to these 4 Heterosexual Men

Is it like having sex with your mother So when did you decide you were straight. How do you have sex? I think my friend might be straight do you know them? What do you think causes heterosexuality? Dont you worry that your children would be straight? I don’t have a problem with heterosexuality, BUTT! … Read more9 Things Never to Say to these 4 Heterosexual Men

Alpha type in public?

Any macho conservative man wants to give in to fit assertive top?

Hey man, You have a very stiff appearance. Rigid socially. Alpha type in public. You lead a very straight life. Dominant man in the outside but want to secretly let a clean tall fit bi man break your routine, show you what it feels give in to a man. Don’t be timid. Just lie down, … Read moreAlpha type in public?

A Discussion on Phallic Worship

What a great and needed site. I always longed for a site that goes beyond the focus on just porn. I wish you consider including a discussion on Phallic worship as part of a healthy male sexual life; str8, gay, bi, curious, whatever. Damian Recommended Further Reading : Phallic worship : a history of sex … Read moreA Discussion on Phallic Worship

more patient and creative with getting to orgasm

Hi Seb, Woke up this morning thinking about you and realized it was time to sit down and share a few thoughts with you. I’ve never met you but have visited your site a lot over the past year or so and invested more than a few hours there each time. There’s something really fascinating … Read moremore patient and creative with getting to orgasm

straight or gay

I distinguish between sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and platonic orientation because many straight guys, for example, have gay sex on the side.  They often say, “It’s only sex.”  To me, they are heteroromantic straight in the romantic sense) and biSEXUAL (bi in the purely sexual sense).  Many homoromantic guys (gay in the romantic sense) are also biSEXUAL (bi in the purely sexual sense). www.threecirclegraph.com/Bisexuality.pdf. Anthony

The Need for Two More Bisexual Categories and the Necessity of Adding a Romantic and Platonic- Orientation Graph Many queers remain uncomfortable with having straight, bi, and gay as the only three sexualities from which to choose self-labeling (excluding transgendered, of course). Just as many bisexuals claim relief upon discovering bisexual as a label, borderzone bis need terms that more accurately describe their feelings toward males and females. Postmodern readers are probably echoing the mantra that “labels don’t matter,” but sometimes categories are needed to make sense of feelings-just as up, down, right, and left continue to be used when these terms mean nothing in outer space. Words are powerful, and so is the absence of words.

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Today, Kinsey 1s, 2s, 4,s and 5s are forced to identify as straight or gay because the term bisexual conjures up the 50/50 stereotype in most people’s minds. “I’m more gay than straight,” a Kinsey 5 male may say, eschewing bisexual as a label altogether because “it doesn’t exactly describe what I am.” The problem is that this forces him to ignore his opposite-sex attraction because he lacks a label with which to verbalize his feelings. Of course, studies on the effects of such repression are lacking, but I’ve developed a three-circle diagram that, if accepted by enough bisexuals, may come to symbolize bisexuality in the coming decades. The diagram is as follows:   The largest circle on the left represents summer and heterosexuality; the medium-sized circle in the middle represents fall and bisexuality; and the smallest circle on the right represents winter and homosexuality. Inside the straight circle, there is a picture of summer-symbolic for the simultaneous privilege and oppression of heterosexuality; the bi circle has a picture of fall-symbolic of bisexuality as a transitional season, as bisexuality is sometimes a transition to or from homosexuality, yet permanent in that fall returns every year; and the gay circle has a picture of winter-symbolic of gayness as both snowy beautiful, yet very cold and alienating for many gays. The bi circle is larger than the gay circle and smaller than the straight circle because, I believe, more people will identify as bi in the future than as gay, yet most people will continue to identify as straight-perhaps 65% of the population, vs. 17% bi and 10% gay.muscles is worked during sex.

The straight and gay circles intermesh slightly into the bi circle, creating a gray area between the straight and bi circle and between the bi and gay circle. People falling inside these gray areas need names, as the lack of terms causes confusion for people trying to verbalize their sexuality beyond the simple straight/bi/gay trichotomy.Two terms could be used to describe these borderzone bisexuals (remember it’s a zone where the circles intermesh, not the Kinsey line). The terms are:

x-vintage-48

Heterosexual . Unisexual . Bisexual . Trisexual . Homosexual Heterosexual, . . . being in Zone 0 (the straight circle), and sexually attracted to the same sex 0/4 of the time in FREQUENCY Unisexual, . . . being in Zone 1 (the zone where the straight and bi circles intermesh slightly), and sexually attracted to the same sex ¼ of the time in FREQUENCY Bisexual, . . . being in Zone 2 (the bi circle), plus the present-day “50/50” definition with regard to FREQUENCY Trisexual, . . . being in Zone 3 (the zone where the bi and gay circles intermesh slightly), sexually attracted to the same sex ¾ of the time in FREQUENCY Homosexual, . . . being in Zone 4 (the gay circle), and sexually attracted to the same-sex 4/4 in FREQUENCY While the Kinsey continuum places one’s orientation on a horizontal line, the three circles allow people to place their orientation horizontally and vertically.

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A 50/50 bisexual, for example, may be near the top of Zone 2, near the bottom, or near the center-depending on his/her mood on a given day. That is why high-quality photographs fill the three circles, as pictures have a thousand places that people can identify with (e.g., the top of a tree on one’s wedding day vs. the ground on a “blue” day). The three circles, in short, are three-dimensional vis-à-vis the two-dimensional Kinsey scale. Moreover, the circles include a hovering moon on the upper-right-hand side, a moon that should transgendered people so decide, can come to symbolize their sexuality. (My essay “Borderzone Bisexuals” goes more deeply into this.)

manhood massaged solo7The adding of two labels doesn’t have to mean the dissecting of bisexuality as a political movement, for bisexual can continue to be an umbrella term for all bisexuals. The categories unisexual and trisexual, however, would presumably be employed by borderzoners on a more personal level.

The Need for a Sexual, Romantic, and Platonic Orientation Graph

In Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (1998), Marjorie Garber wrote that nobody has significantly altered the Kinsey scale since 1948. As of today, laypeople and sexologists continue to talk about the sexual-orientation scale when referring not just to sex, but to love, romance, and friendship. In their rush away from categories, they have lumped varying and often contradictory facets of human relationships into one scale. This needs serious remedying if bisexuality-and human relationships-are to be understood three dimensionally.

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For better or worse, males often divorce sex and romance. A straight-identified male, for example, may say, “I’m not gay! I just love cocks in my mouth.” What he means is that although he enjoys sex with males, he isn’t romantically attracted to them. The gays are the “poofs” and “fairies” because they are homoromantic, wanting more than just to “beat off their meat” or “fool around.” Straight men, of course, don’t describe themselves as heteroromantic (romantically interested in the opposite sex), but if society ever comes to terms with admitting everyone’s innate bisexuality, sexual politics will probably revolve around people’s romantic orientation. In short, I propose three, different circle graphs (all following the same zone principles outlined in Part I of this article).

x-vintage-22

1.Sexual-Orientation Circle Graph (measures a person’s sexual attraction to a given sex)

Heterosexual . Unisexual . Bisexual . Trisexual . Homosexual

(The sexual-orientation graph is explained in Part I of this essay.)

2. Romantic-Orientation Circle Graph (measures a person’s romantic attraction to a given sex)

Heteroromantic . Uniromantic . Biromantic . Triromantic . Homoromantic Heteroromantic . . . being in Zone 0 (the straight circle), and romantically interested in the same sex 0/4 in FREQUENCY Uniromantic . . . being in Zone 1 (the zone where the straight and bi circles intermesh slightly), and romantically interested in the same sex 1/4 in FREQUENCY Biromantic . . . being in Zone 2 (the bi circle), plus the present-day “50/50” definition with regard to FREQUENCY Triromantic . . . being in Zone 3 (the zone where the bi and gay circles intermesh slightly), and romantically interested in the same sex 3/4 in FREQUENCY Homoromantic . . . being in Zone 4 (the gay circle), and romantically interested in the same sex 4/4 in FREQUENCY (E.g. Presumably, most males today are bisexual and heteroromantic.)

3. Platonic-Orientation Circle Graph (measures a person’s platonic attraction to a given sex)

Heteroplatonic . Uniplatonic . Biplatonic . Triplatonic .Homoplatonic Heteroplatonic . . . being in Zone 0 (the straight circle), and platonically interested in the same sex 0/4 in FREQUENCY. (This is something that most gay males, presumably, are guilty of, as their same-sex friendships often turn into sexual relationships Uniplatonic . . . being in Zone 1 (the zone where the straight and bi circles intermesh slightly), and platonically interested in the same sex 1/4 in FREQUENCY Biplatonic . . . being in Zone 2 (the bi circle), plus the present-day “50/50” definition with regard to FREQUENCY transferred to the platonic orientation discussion Triplatonic . . . being in Zone 3 (the zone where the bi and gay circles intermesh slightly), and platonically interested in the same sex 3/4 in FREQUENCY Homoplatonic . . . being in Zone 4 (the gay circle), and platonically interested in the same sex 4/4 in For those confused by the platonic orientation graph, it is the inverse of the sexual and romantic orientation graph. People who are gay in the sexual and romantic sense are straight in the platonic sense and people who are straight in the sexual and romantic arena are “gay” in the platonic sense-for it seems that gays “bond” platonically with the opposite sex, while straights bond platonically with the same sex (e.g., homosocial bonds). If one follows Billy Crystal’s line in When Harry Met Sally (1989), most straight men cannot remain pure friends with women because females’ sexual attractiveness tempts men to make sexual advances on them, destroying any chance of men and women being “just friends.” Men like Crystal’s character would, presumably, be homoplatonic (only capable of forming platonic relationships with males) and heteroromantic (romantically interested in the opposite sex). The possibilities for sexual identification are endless, and because of this, the sexual-orientation circle graph will most likely remain the focus of political organizing for many decades. In the far future, however, it is likely that researchers will have more concepts with which to describe the diversity of human relationships. With enough sophistication, the masses may start talking about sexual, romantic, and platonic orientations by the middle and latter part of the 21st century. Bisexuals and transgendered people, more than any other sexual minority, are the most likely candidates to adopt the three-circle graphs because they are not mired in the either/or paradigm of heterosexuals and homosexuals.

CURIOUS STRAIGHT COCK

I’VE HEARD IT OVER A 1,000 TIMES. IT’S ALMOST A SHAME YOU DON’T KNOW IT, BUT YOU CURIOUS STRAIGHT OR BI GUYS ARE FAR MORE NUMEROUS THAN YOU’D THINK, AND SO IS THAT FANTASY YOU HAVE. YOU KNOW: THE ONE THAT YOU’VE TOSSED UP IN YOUR MIND HUNDREDS OF TIMES, BUT JUST HAVEN’T HAD THE BALLS TO ACT UPON IT YET.

WELL DON’T BLAME YOURSELF; WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT DOESN’T ALLOW PEOPLE TO BE WHO THEY REALLY ARE. SOCIETY PRESSURES YOU TO CONFORM, AND TO NEVER EXPERIMENT. MOST ESPECIALLY ON THOSE THOUGHTS YOU’VE ALWAYS HAD IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND. BUT IT’S YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ONLY GET TO LIVE IT ONCE. SO WHY NOT LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST? WHEN YOU’RE ALONE WITH ME, FOR ONCE, YOU DON’T HAVE TO LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK FROM DOING WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY. EVEN IF YOU ONLY DO IT JUST ONCE, I CAN HELP YOU LIVE THAT FANTASY.

YOU CAN REST ASSURED KNOWING THAT WITH ME,YOU WILL NEVER BE JUDGED. I’M FOREVER PATIENT, AND A PERFECT TEACHER – GREAT AT HELPING TO PUT YOU AT EASE, AS WELL.

When you’re alone with me, for once, you don’t you don’t have to let fear hold you back from doing what you’ve always wanted to try. Even if you only do it just once, I can help you live that fantasy. You can rest assured knowing that with me, You will never be judged. I’m forever patient, and a perfect teacher. Great at helping to put you at ease as well.  Anon

It might be what pop culture implies about being gay. (bisexual don’t exist in pop culture.) While the stereotypes about gay men are largely done with, there’s still a belief in some essential difference.

This is actually kinda funny to me. From puberty to college, I had a number of male sexual partners. Guys my own age. Athletes mostly. But no oral or anal, just a lot of circle jerks, hand jobs, and frot. Most of them are straight. A few are openly bi. Hell, if we didn’t get laid after a date (a.k.a. 99% of teenage dates), we’d relieve each other’s blue balls. Jon

i agree. we have evolved to the point where sexual categories of this sort just don’t cut it anymore. we are complex sexual creatures. to try to reduce our sexual selves to some kind of 19th century taxonomy just doesn’t make sense in a digital age when our individual and collective horizon is so broad and we’re constantly taking in new experiences, sexual tourism, if you will. (if only it were so deep, but, that’s the future, hopefully.) anyway, thanks for this post. this is a topic that needs much discussion, much informed debate and much thought. btw: love your site, a queer alterna-oasis in a cookie cutter land of gay consumerism. thanks. Steve

Truth and HaPenis

Straight Man’s Drunken Homosexual Experience?

I consider myself a completely straight male but I must admit I have had a total of 3 homosexual encounters, all with the same guy (another straight friend) and within the span of a week.

The first time I was really really drunk and ended up crashing at his place and I thought “I’m horny, why the hell not?” and made the first move. The second time I don’t think involved any substances, and the third time I was f’ed up on something I can’t recall too clearly. And before anyone can say that illicit substances can lead to bad decision-making, I want to mention I’ve since cleaned up my act quite a bit. I’m not trying to make excuses or anything but I think it’s noteworthy that I was extremely sexually frustrated at the time, recently having ended things with a friends with benefits. Also, I knew this friend found me attractive and I suppose that was a turn on to some degree.

But for most of the experience I found myself pretending that my friend was a woman and his stubble was really off-putting at points. The whole time it didn’t feel like I was having sex, but kind of masturbating by the means of an another person, if that makes any sense. It didn’t feel “right” I guess.

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So share your Drunken Homosexual Experience please click here to leave a reply.

O, starry night of good omen,
When drunkard mounted drunkard,
We whiled away the time in worship to the Devil,
With fervent faith,
Until the monks rang death’s bell and dawn,
And the young lad took off, dragging his delightful robe
Touched by my impure desire.


“Woe is me,” he said through his tears,
“You have torn away the dignity I had long treasured.”
“A lion saw a gazelle and lunged at it,” said I,
“Such are the vagaries of fate.”

Ya Sahir al-Tarf; after Kennedy, p. 67 by Abū Nuwās al-Ḥasan ibn Hānī al-Ḥakamī (756–814),aka Abū Nuwās (Arabic: ابو نواس‎; Persian: ابو نواس‎‎, Abū Novās), was one of the greatest classical gay Arabic poets, who also composed in Persian on occasion.

str8 men sleep together

According to a new study out of Durham University on the changing social habits of heterosexual males. Published in the journal of Men and Masculinities in March, the study revealed that 98 percent of the study’s participants — all white, college-age male athletes — have shared a bed with another guy.

blake-little-dichotomy-3

In addition, 93 percent also reported having spooned or cuddled with another man. Study co-author and sociologist Mark McCormack, of Durham University, says the study’s results exemplify changing conceptions of masculinity in contemporary culture. As homophobia decreases, McCormack says, straight men are acting “much softer” than those from older generations — something he and Eric Anderson, of the University of Winchester, set out to examine. The two sociologists conducted in-depth interviews with 40 young male athletes — a sample they chose because of the group’s likelihood to be in closer physical contact with one another and because of the notion that athletes embody what it means to be traditionally masculine.

str8 men sleeping naked threesome

McCormack told HuffPost he was surprised by how uneventful and mundane participants viewed their behaviours. “They don’t realize this is something that older men would find shocking,” he said. “It’s older generations that think men cuddling is taboo.” Matt, one of the men interviewed for the study, explained his viewpoint on cuddling with his male friend Connor. The researchers noted the response in their study: I feel comfortable with Connor and we spend a lot of time together. I happily rest my head on Connor’s shoulder when lying on the couch or hold him in bed. But he’s not the only one. The way I see it, is that we are all very good and close mates. We have a bromance where we are very comfortable around each other. The history of homosocial relationships, or heterosexual male friendships, is deeply complex and steeped in social stigmas, myth, rejection and aggression, the authors explain in their research. But stigmas and traditional roles are going out the window as younger generations are becoming more open and accepting.

str8 men sleeping touching

“The social taboo against cuddling has been because for two men to get close was traditionally seen as ‘gay’. Men wanted to avoid being the target of homophobic abuse, so they would be macho to distance themselves from any perception of homosexuality,” McCormack told HuffPost. “But there is a generational effect here: Older men who grew up in the 1980s may still feel the need to present a very straight version of themselves, but more positive attitudes toward homosexuality in contemporary culture mean that younger men are simply less concerned about how other people view their behaviors.” McCormack says Anderson, who expanded on the study, found similar behaviors across country lines, though American men were found to engage in those behaviors less frequently. “British men are more advanced than American men in doing this, but these behaviors are still occurring, and we predict that increasing numbers of American men will engage in them as they realize the benefits of doing so,” McCormack said. McCormack acknowledges that anti-gay sentiment is still around but that many guys don’t seem to mind expressing themselves however they want. “Homophobia hasn’t disappeared, but straight men today are not expected to be homophobic like they were in the 1980s and 1990s,” he said.

“This enables them to be [engaged] in softer gendered behaviors — they can cuddle and hug, wear fashionable clothes, care about looking good, and openly declare love for their friends.”

gay men are more hung than heterosexual men

The idea that gay men are more well endowed that heterosexual men was first published in 1999 in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. What the authors of this study did was analyze data collected by the Kinsey Institute between the years 1938 and 1963.

They looked at data from 5,122 men, of whom 935 were classified as homosexual and 4,187 were classified as heterosexual. Measurement data were available for both flaccid and erect penile length and girth, as well as men’s own estimated erect penile length. Participants had taken the measurements themselves and mailed them to the Institute. Across all five dimensions, gay men had significantly larger penises. Most notably, the measured erect length for gay men was 6.46 inches, compared to 6.14 inches for straight men. Measured erect circumference was 4.95 inches for gay men, compared to 4.80 inches for straight men.

To learn more about this study, see: Bogaert, A. F., & Hershberger, S. (1999). The relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 28(3), 213-221.

CURIOUS STRAIGHT COCK

 

“Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men.”

In 2015, University of California, gender and sexuality professor Jane Ward published a book called “Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men.” In it, Ward discussed what she called “straight homosexual sex” in frat houses, barracks and biker gangs, as well as more mundane settings like suburban cul-de-sacs. Ward illustrates that sex between straight white men allows them to … Read more“Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men.”